Although I do occasionally buy things from Argos, I am quite sniffy about the place. Perhaps it's the Elizabeth David sovereign rings and bracelets with names embossed on them. Perhaps it's the grim little area you have to sit as you wait for your order to be delivered from the warehouse round the back.
But my estimation of the place has sunk a little more following a flick through their Christmas catalogue. They are selling a toilet seat cover with the legend 'Santa Sat Here' emblazoned upon it.
Know we now...Forget mince pies, re-runs of James Bond on the telly, robins, holly, snow or even the birth of Jesus Himself; Argos believe that nothing says Christmas like a cover for your bog
.
Tuesday, 18 October 2011
Monday, 17 October 2011
Man Child
Discussions concerning Wayne Rooney's petulant behaviour during the latest England match continued at the weekend The genius-like Alan Shearer was consulted as to whether Rooney should be taken to Euro 2012 next summer (Rooney is suspended for the first 3 games) and his response was filled with the usual footballer's guff. 'Wayne Rooney' claimed Shearer with utter conviction 'is the difference between England winning or losing a tournament.'
Shearer seems to have forgotten that England haven't been close to winning a tournament since 1996. In the intervening 15 years, whilst England have faltered, stumbled and gone backwards we have watched Germany fall and rise again; we have seen Spain shake off the mantle of nearly-men to bestride the world of football. That's not to mention the French who, inspired by Zidane, were an end-of-millennium force of nature.
But we'll ignore all of that (just like Shearer) and examine Rooney's contributions in tournaments to determine how his influence raises England to the status of world beaters..
2004. He gets injured during a vital match against Portugal which England go on to lose on penalties.
2006. Injured during the build up to this World Cup. Never looks fit and gets himself sent off during a vital game against Portugal which England go on to lose on penalties.
2008. England fail to make the Euro 2008 tournament. England lost their last qualifying match against Croatia. A result which sent the Croats through and consigned Steve McClaren to 'ridicule by tabloid' - a time honoured tradition for England managers. Rooney's contribution to this game? Nothing. He was suspended.
2010. Rooney is seen on the pitch for all of England's games but his most telling contribution was a foul-mouthed tirade against his own supporters who had the temerity to complain about their team's lack lustre display (a 1-1 draw against footballing behemoths Algeria).
If we were to agree with Shearer's comment (no Rooney = no chance for England) then we'd also have to say that Rooney continues to let his country down. His petulance means that he can't cope with the pressure of playing for England in high-profile games. His latest indiscretion is yet another incident that have robbed England of his services just when he is most needed. That he is a great footballer is open to question. What can't be questioned is that he is a 26 year man-child who needs to grow up fast if he is fulfil his potential.
Shearer seems to have forgotten that England haven't been close to winning a tournament since 1996. In the intervening 15 years, whilst England have faltered, stumbled and gone backwards we have watched Germany fall and rise again; we have seen Spain shake off the mantle of nearly-men to bestride the world of football. That's not to mention the French who, inspired by Zidane, were an end-of-millennium force of nature.
But we'll ignore all of that (just like Shearer) and examine Rooney's contributions in tournaments to determine how his influence raises England to the status of world beaters..
2004. He gets injured during a vital match against Portugal which England go on to lose on penalties.
2006. Injured during the build up to this World Cup. Never looks fit and gets himself sent off during a vital game against Portugal which England go on to lose on penalties.
2008. England fail to make the Euro 2008 tournament. England lost their last qualifying match against Croatia. A result which sent the Croats through and consigned Steve McClaren to 'ridicule by tabloid' - a time honoured tradition for England managers. Rooney's contribution to this game? Nothing. He was suspended.
2010. Rooney is seen on the pitch for all of England's games but his most telling contribution was a foul-mouthed tirade against his own supporters who had the temerity to complain about their team's lack lustre display (a 1-1 draw against footballing behemoths Algeria).
If we were to agree with Shearer's comment (no Rooney = no chance for England) then we'd also have to say that Rooney continues to let his country down. His petulance means that he can't cope with the pressure of playing for England in high-profile games. His latest indiscretion is yet another incident that have robbed England of his services just when he is most needed. That he is a great footballer is open to question. What can't be questioned is that he is a 26 year man-child who needs to grow up fast if he is fulfil his potential.
The Return of the Wrinkly Rocker
If you have listened to the radio, or looked at a paper or music magazine recently you can't have failed to notice that Noel Gallagher has 'returned'.
I find him a bit of an enigma.. You see, I think that he is quite engaging - in a grumpy-old-man sort of way. He's like the sarky mate you meet up with down the pub who you've known since school.
However, if he were playing in my back garden I wouldn't draw the curtains to watch him. His songwriting - based as ever on a queasy necrophiliac desire for the songwriters of the 60s - was getting old after Oasis' second album. But now, 15 years later it's just tiresome.
And not only is the music pretty tired he looks awful - he dresses like Jeremy Clarkson and has what appears to be a cheap version of the hair worn by Ronnie Lane in his New Faces days.
I find him a bit of an enigma.. You see, I think that he is quite engaging - in a grumpy-old-man sort of way. He's like the sarky mate you meet up with down the pub who you've known since school.
However, if he were playing in my back garden I wouldn't draw the curtains to watch him. His songwriting - based as ever on a queasy necrophiliac desire for the songwriters of the 60s - was getting old after Oasis' second album. But now, 15 years later it's just tiresome.
And not only is the music pretty tired he looks awful - he dresses like Jeremy Clarkson and has what appears to be a cheap version of the hair worn by Ronnie Lane in his New Faces days.
Back again
A mixture of holiday, hospital appoitments and house sitting duties have kept me away from my laptop and hence from writing. Looking forward to starting again.
Wednesday, 24 August 2011
Football. Just a waste of time?
So, as if you didn't know, the bizarre bubble of idiocy that is football has returned. I say that, but the reality is that it never goes away does it? Not even during those notional fallow years when summer TV schedules are not consumed by either a World Cup or European Championship.
So what wonderous events have we mere mortals not bestowed the ability to run really fast and kick a football been granted sight of by the footballing gods?
Real Madrid's manager Jose Mourinho poking the coach of an oppsoing team in the eye. Jose went on to write an apology letter. Except it was an apology in the very loosest sense of the word. After all he didn't actually say sorry to the bloke he assaulted, but instead said sorry to the fans of his own team. Perhaps he meant to blind the other guy and was apologitic he had only managed a little light eye gouging?
Following defeat in the Carling Cup, the QPR manager said he was glad his team had lost. I expect that the QPR fans that had spent hard cash going to the match in the expectation that their team might acually win a gamebheld at home against lower league opposition, were pretty impressed by the defeat, too. And whilst we're on this subject, in what other business would you be pleased with failure?
Arsenal have spent the summer dismantling a team that finished 4th in the league (albeit aided in this matter by opposing teamsbwho appear more like asset strippers in the Gordon Gecko mode than actual football clubs.) The Arsenal manager, Arsene Wenger, in his own personal bubble of denial seems to be countering the loss of his finest players by taking hopeful punts on teenagers from around Europe.
Meanwhile down the road, Tottenham are attempting to resist transfer offers for their best player, Luka Modric. Modric wasn't chosen to play in a recent game as 'his head wasn't in the right place.' How would it be if Modric worked out here in the real world and phoned in that excuse? My guess is that he would be told to get his head from out of his backside and come into work pronto. Footballers, eh? Don't you just loathe these muti-millionaires?
The one footballer I can empathise with now in Gary Neville. And he's not even a footballer anymore. In his autobiograpghy he claims that playing for England was just a waste of time. He laments confused and confusing managers, poor coaching, crippling expectations and fear of failure. Well Gary, you've said what I've thought for a while, the England football team is a waste of time.
So what wonderous events have we mere mortals not bestowed the ability to run really fast and kick a football been granted sight of by the footballing gods?
Real Madrid's manager Jose Mourinho poking the coach of an oppsoing team in the eye. Jose went on to write an apology letter. Except it was an apology in the very loosest sense of the word. After all he didn't actually say sorry to the bloke he assaulted, but instead said sorry to the fans of his own team. Perhaps he meant to blind the other guy and was apologitic he had only managed a little light eye gouging?
Following defeat in the Carling Cup, the QPR manager said he was glad his team had lost. I expect that the QPR fans that had spent hard cash going to the match in the expectation that their team might acually win a gamebheld at home against lower league opposition, were pretty impressed by the defeat, too. And whilst we're on this subject, in what other business would you be pleased with failure?
Arsenal have spent the summer dismantling a team that finished 4th in the league (albeit aided in this matter by opposing teamsbwho appear more like asset strippers in the Gordon Gecko mode than actual football clubs.) The Arsenal manager, Arsene Wenger, in his own personal bubble of denial seems to be countering the loss of his finest players by taking hopeful punts on teenagers from around Europe.
Meanwhile down the road, Tottenham are attempting to resist transfer offers for their best player, Luka Modric. Modric wasn't chosen to play in a recent game as 'his head wasn't in the right place.' How would it be if Modric worked out here in the real world and phoned in that excuse? My guess is that he would be told to get his head from out of his backside and come into work pronto. Footballers, eh? Don't you just loathe these muti-millionaires?
The one footballer I can empathise with now in Gary Neville. And he's not even a footballer anymore. In his autobiograpghy he claims that playing for England was just a waste of time. He laments confused and confusing managers, poor coaching, crippling expectations and fear of failure. Well Gary, you've said what I've thought for a while, the England football team is a waste of time.
Tuesday, 23 August 2011
The power of adverts?
Been spending a bit of time on YouTube, checking out trailers for upcoming movies - Kill List looks like a nasty little British film; Get Carter mashed with Angel Heart, perhaps?
Anyway, whilst viewing the trailers, I was beseiged by pop-up ads which obscure a strip of the screen and distract you from its content. I couldn't hit the close button quick enough - a response I imagine is all too common. Wonder which marketing genius decided it would be a good idea to annoy its target audience? Wonder what take-ip rates are?
Anyway, whilst viewing the trailers, I was beseiged by pop-up ads which obscure a strip of the screen and distract you from its content. I couldn't hit the close button quick enough - a response I imagine is all too common. Wonder which marketing genius decided it would be a good idea to annoy its target audience? Wonder what take-ip rates are?
Wednesday, 10 August 2011
London burning
As I look out of my bedroom window I can see the plumes of smoke that are still rising from the burned out Sony warehouse in north London. As I watch them pile into the sky I have a few thoughts:
If the looters were genuinely desperate, they would be hunting out staples - bread, milk. If they were, then perhaps I'd feel some sympathy for them. Instead they seem to be targeting shops that sell smart phones, trainers, tvs and games consoles.
Whilst not wishing to denigrate the events of the past 4 days, I do have a problem with the rolling news footage. With its perpetual loops of footage and doom laden scripts it seems like we are on the brink of Armageddon. As ever with the news these days, perspective is a casualty
The police, so keen to 'kettle', threaten and intimidate during the student fee protests have appeared impotent here. Are they acting to different orders, or were they cowed by the mobs of predominately young men who seem more than willing to fight back? Of course, the police may well argue that they were being prudent and patient - gathering evidence before picking off the criminals in separate raids.
In business, key members of staff are never allowed to take holidays at the same time. Why then were so many major members of the government lazing around pools or short changing waitresses?
With the police unable to deal with the gangs (and how chastening was it to watch footage of coppers standing by as looters went about their business?) in some areas groups of local residents have taken matters into their own hands.
If it is it too simple to say that the looters are just opportunistic thieves, what is the reason behind these explosions of violence? The original riot in Tottenham could be directly associated to the police shooting of a local man. But the following events seem less politically motivated than outpourings of extreme consumerism conducted by people who believe that they will get away with their theft.
If the looters were genuinely desperate, they would be hunting out staples - bread, milk. If they were, then perhaps I'd feel some sympathy for them. Instead they seem to be targeting shops that sell smart phones, trainers, tvs and games consoles.
Whilst not wishing to denigrate the events of the past 4 days, I do have a problem with the rolling news footage. With its perpetual loops of footage and doom laden scripts it seems like we are on the brink of Armageddon. As ever with the news these days, perspective is a casualty
The police, so keen to 'kettle', threaten and intimidate during the student fee protests have appeared impotent here. Are they acting to different orders, or were they cowed by the mobs of predominately young men who seem more than willing to fight back? Of course, the police may well argue that they were being prudent and patient - gathering evidence before picking off the criminals in separate raids.
In business, key members of staff are never allowed to take holidays at the same time. Why then were so many major members of the government lazing around pools or short changing waitresses?
With the police unable to deal with the gangs (and how chastening was it to watch footage of coppers standing by as looters went about their business?) in some areas groups of local residents have taken matters into their own hands.
If it is it too simple to say that the looters are just opportunistic thieves, what is the reason behind these explosions of violence? The original riot in Tottenham could be directly associated to the police shooting of a local man. But the following events seem less politically motivated than outpourings of extreme consumerism conducted by people who believe that they will get away with their theft.
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